


Nepenthe

by rimacchi



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Medical, Multi, Post-Series, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-15 16:14:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5792197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rimacchi/pseuds/rimacchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Orihara Izaya disappeared from Ikebukuro for a total of two years after a fight with Heiwajima Shizuo, most people believed that the informant was dead but as the chaos lifted up from the city, not all had restored peace after Izaya's disappearance. </p>
<p>Shinra is blaming himself, Izaya's sisters are worried, Celty's a traveling wreck and Shizuo... Well, nobody really knows what Shizuo's feeling.</p>
<p>Sometimes, it's hard to forget such a man as Orihara Izaya but when he comes back with the drive being sucked out of his eyes, people might not need to remember anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. { nostalgia }

**Author's Note:**

> Nepenthe (noun) - a drug for sorrow
> 
> It's my first post, yay! So this has some kind of weird timeline from the canon storyline but there are some references. Anyway, get ready to see confused change hearted Izaya for once.

  
01 | { **nostalgia** }

When Heiwajima Shizuo strolled the quiet streets of Ikebukuro for the very first time, he felt like his head was going to explode. Literally. The blonde imagined himself being spontaneously combusted, his guts and blood splattering on the walls and glass buildings. Each step on the concrete ground felt so unreal that he wanted to slap himself until he needed to go to Shinra's just to report his bleeding cheeks for he had never seen Ikebukuro, the land of color gangs, dark alleyways and muggers, so peaceful. All the place needed was a flock of doves to decorate the traffic lights.

Shizuo turned his head from left to right, observing the people crossing the pedestrians and how Simon still handed flyers for Russian Sushi to passersby. As his feet led him to the Russian-Japanese restaurant, he greeted Simon, who looked happy on his presence, with a smile. Before entering the establishment, the blonde saw Celty riding her soundless bike across the distance. She must be on a job

Shizuo then sighed as he entered and aggressively pulled out a seat next to the counter.

"You seem to be in a bad mood today, Shizuo."A man had tapped his shoulder and smiled at him.

"Well, you seem to be in a good mood today, Tom-san." He replied.

"Mind if I sit with you?" Tom said after a quick chuckle while fixing his shades. "Or maybe your temper's not stable so maybe I should stay away."

Shizuo shook his head and added a quiet 'sure' to the man as Tom pulled out a seat next to the blonde.

A plate of newly made sushi was then passed to Shizuo and he was quite surprised that it was made neatly and looked quite normal than what he usually ordered. Well, until the man realized that he hadn't really ordered any sushi yet, his head turned to his boss, Tom, next to him.

"It's on me, don't worry." Tom said with a smirk and maybe winked if he took off the dark pair of shades covering his eyes.

Shizuo thanked him and of course, accepted his offer. After all, who would refuse delicious looking sushi? The blonde stuffed his cheeks with salmon roe, shrimp and urchin sushi in his mouth until their flavors combined and he found it quite appealing to his taste. After nodding slightly, his eyes were directed on some fatty tuna placed on the side of his plate. Shizuo then lowered his hand and stopped chewing.

Flea.

The blonde rapidly shook his head after the thought. He bit his lip and swallowed the sushi in his mouth, there was no way he was worried about that pest.

"Aren't you going to eat that?" Tom asked, his chopsticks pointing at the fatty tuna left on Shizuo's plate. The blonde shook his head in return. "Well then, let me eat it." And so Tom took it away and placed it inside his mouth.

Shizuo sighed, removing his purple shades and his it inside his bartender vest---in which he still wore---and grabbed a glass of water. The thought of him removing his shades made him remember the habit of doing it when the flea annoyed him and he just had to throw something at him, specifically, the vending machine.

"Dammit" Shizuo murmured under his breath. He was thinking about the flea again.

"Ikebukuro sure has turned more like a safe place these two years, hasn't it?" Tom said out of the blue, snapping Shizuo out of his thoughts, a hint of nostalgia in his voice. "I never knew it could be so quiet." He laughed.

Shizuo couldn't agree more on that statement. The gangs happened to still come and go; of course, The Dollars was still there but they never really did anything that was worth city-destroying. Indeed, his town had become peaceful the past two years and never in Shizuo's life had he slept in a quiet sleep...perhaps too quiet.

For him to adapt to a new Ikebukuro where there were no news of gang wars and murders was like migrating to a new civilized country in which spoke a language that he didn't understand. The thought of him not breaking any road signs and traffic lights was unreal and it must have been a record for the infamous Heiwajima Shizuo to not lift a single vending machine to hurl. Even Shinra was surprised, he finally thought that the blonde had control of his anger. Shizuo would like to argue with that, it's not that he controlled his anger, it was because there were no reasons to be angry.

"Yo, Simon!" Shizuo almost jumped at the sound of a high pitched voice echoing through the restaurant.

"Welcome, Mairu, Kururi." Simon smiled at them "Come inside, the sushi's delicious, it's cheap."

"Of course, of course!" The voice went closer and he finally laid his eyes on the Orihara twins. Orihara Mairu and Orihara Kururi.

The girls looked like they've grown a few inches taller and they looked less mischievous than before, but of course, their weird personalities and matching hoodies were still the same. Kururi's hair had grown and Mairu's glasses were tinted to a bright red. Even in two years, the girls had some changes.

Then, the smile on Mairu's face had dropped once her eyes landed on the blonde but she did her best to make sure that Shizuo didn't notice so she pulled her mouth into a smile once more.

"Hello, Tom-san, Shizuo-san." Mairu said calmly.

"Greetings" Kururi managed to say, like a whisper.

Bowing his head slightly, Shizuo let out a small 'hello' to the twins as they sat beside Tom.

"So, how's life?" Tom said, rather awkwardly, after he realized the tension in the atmosphere once the twins had gone silent.

"Fine" Mairu replied.

"Bearable (Alright)" Kururi added, taking another glance at the sushi that was heading towards them.

The silence was back and Shizuo couldn't speak. Tom then ordered another batch of sushi and took a glance at Shizuo who avoided his gaze. Of course, the man couldn't bring himself to talk to the twins.

"Did you sleep at his apartment last night?" Tom said in a quiet voice, but enough for Mairu and Kururi to hear. "Was there any news about him...?"

Mairu and Kururi's heads dropped. Their smiles were nowhere to be found.

"We sleep there every night." Mairu said under her breath as Shizuo noticed her hand forming into a fist, gripping her chospsticks rather tightly.

"News...Negative...(There was no news about him)" Kururi said as she put her hand over Mairu's. "Regret...absence...(We regret that we weren't even there for him before the incident.)" She added, whispering.

Mairu then bit her lip and stood up, Kururi then following her as she gripped her twin's hand tighter.

"But even if we sleep there, he wouldn't come back there, would he...?" Shizuo couldn't help but notice that Mairu was staring at him once she emphasized the last words of her sentence. Her gaze alone sent shivers to his spine.

The twins then left, running as if they were late for school.

Shizuo headed back to the newly placed tray of sushi and began eating once more as the twins ran off farther from the establishment. The blonde couldn't help but flinch after noticing Tom's never ending stare at him.

"Aren't you gonna chase after them?" Tom managed to say, tilting his head. "Mairu and Kururi, I mean."

Shizuo shrugged and went back to eating. No, he would never do that. He wouldn't run after them, he couldn't run after them. He had no right to be concerned about them

"Why don't you chase after them?" Shizuo breathed out. "You seem to be free."

He wanted to end the conversation already. Shizuo stood up from his chair, trying to surpress the anger boiling inside him.

"Like they would listen to me." Tom scoffed.

And then Shizuo's rage finally snapped. He bit his lip.

"And would they listen to the man who killed their brother!?" He screamed, making the place drown in silence and Tom could only stare at him with a blank face as Shizuo tried to reject the urge of throwing the chair off the window. "I wouldn't talk to them about the flea and take their cries since I didn't regret what I've done. I can't be sorry for them!"

The blonde stormed out of the place, passing Simon without a good bye.

Ikebukuro was quiet. Too quiet. But even though he hated the never ending peace in Ikebukuro, he knew that it was partly because of him. After all, who decided to erase Orihara Izaya from the world? It was him, Heiwajima Shizuo and his over flowing hatred for the guy.

Izaya had gone missing that day two years ago, when Shizuo left him clinging for dear life. He should've crushed him with the vending machine at that time. He should have killed him and confirmed it. But why didn't he? Why did he wait until that louse got rescued?

Ah, yes. It was because Orihara Izaya smiled at him.

On their games of cat and mouse, the information dealer always had his signature smirk plastered onto his face, and it annoyed the hell out of Shizuo but at that time, when the man last smiled at him, it looked genuine. There was no evil intention behind his smile, his eyes were empty of hatred but even so, the face he gave denied his words.

_"Do it, monster."_

Those were the last words Heiwajima Shizuo heard from Orihara Izaya. He said it without laughing, without his constant teasing. Shizuo already understood those words he said.

_"Kill me, I'm ready."_

Shizuo's hands froze at that time. He wondered if the person on front of him was indeed the flea and he couldn't help but think of a world without him---an Ikebukuro without mischief. But when he lowered the vending machine slightly, Varona had already stabbed him and afterwards, Izaya was gone, disappeared from the face of the world. And Shizuo regretted the part in which he didn't kill him. Why? If he did then the twins would have gotten over Izaya's death and not waiting for him to return in his apartment. Celty wouldn't be driving all night to search for him and Shinra wouldn't call every hospital he knew in Tokyo to have a slight chance that Izaya would have been confined.

Most of all, Shizuo wouldn't be filled with so much anxiety on thinking that Izaya would return and play cat and mouse with him again.

He hated violence, but damn, did he miss the days where Izaya pulled out a knife to cut him. Now, no one could do that, no one could stand up to him for only Orihara Izaya alone didn't seem to fear him. But of course, Shizuo would rather bite his tongue of than to say that out loud.

Shizuo wandered the streets once more, trying to avoid all the people that he passed by. In his mind, he tried accepting the fact that Mairu and Kururi would never talk to him anymore since he killed Izaya. Yes, he was missing, but of course, there were still rumors going on. Some had say Izaya had abandoned both Shinjuku and Ikebukuro for another small town in Japan to terrorize, or people would rather believe that he's given up the underground life and decided to live normlly under the shadows but above all, the rumor about Orihara Izaya being dead stood out and Shizuo believed that. He saw Izaya on his state before he went missing and was pretty much sure that he wouldn't survive without the help of others. And Orihara Izaya was a heartless beast who didn't have any friends.

But of course, deep inside the blonde, he still hoped for Izaya to be alive. After all, aside from wanting to throw another stop sign at him, he wanted to know the exact meaning of Izaya's words from his own mouth.

"Damn damn damn damn damn!" Shizuo cursed under his breath and ran, not even bothering if he got run over by a car. "I'm not thinking about that stupid flea again, aren't I? He's gone, I should be happy!"

He could be happy if others were.

"Damn i---" Before Shizuo could finish out his curse, he then spotted a jacket with fur linings. He stopped and stared. Black hair, that signature coat, those red eyes...

"Flea?" He whispered to himself as he watched the man observe the Izaya-look-alike observing the busy streets of Ikebukuro.

_Damn, I must be hallucinating._

Shizuo stood there, just watching and just before he would scream Izaya's name like the old days to confirm the man's existence, a girl with shoulder length black hair that matched the flea's had come running to his side.

"Izaya!" She called, which confirmed Shizuo's speculations. He wasn't crazy after all, Izaya was alive.

"Kana..." Izaya said, softly. No irritating voice, no signature smirk, it was hard to believe that the guy was Izaya.

"Are you okay? We were worried sick when you wandered off!" She said, holding on to Izaya's shoulders.

Shizuo then thought that it must be one of the girls that Izaya was tricking to jumping off but he found hit hard to believe. First of all, they were in a place where a lot of people can see them and that wasn't like Izaya to trick girls in crowded places. Second of all, there was not even a place to jump off to her death to and last, Celty didn't even know that Izaya was alive so how could she rescue that girl?

"His girlfriend?" He found it hard to believe.

Shizuo kept observing, what had Izaya been doing these past two years?

The girl's hands were still on his shoulders, he worried eyes piercing through the man who nearly destroyed Ikebukuro. As Shizuo thought that Izaya would get his flickblade and cut the girl off and run towards the distance along with an irritating insult, Izaya only sighed.

"Sorry..." Izaya avoided her gaze and almost said inaudibly and Shizuo couldn't believe his ears. Izaya was being respectful for once. "I should've told you."

Kana then let go of the man's shoulders and placed it onto Izaya's forehead.

"Sorry's all you've ever said since we got here" She smiled at him. "Your fever's gone down so that's good news."

Izaya then went back to looking at the view of Ikebukuro's daily life.

"Hey, why don't you say let's wander a bit more?" The girl said, tilting her head. "I'll ask Kine and Manami to wait in the car."

And Izaya just nodded but Shizuo left.


	2. { enigma }

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time after two years, Izaya comes back to the land he used to stand up upon. Now the King is walking on the streets, concealed by thousands of faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I made an OC and Izaya interact but there will not be romantic feelings between them because yes, OTPs and what they do to me.

02 | { **enigma** }

His head pounded like a dozen hammers were all hitting him at once. Wiping a bead of sweat that trickled down from his forehead, the once great Orihara Izaya looked from left to righ, observing the high skyscrapers that reached the sky as he crossed the pedestrian, only to be pulled back forcefully by the girl he was with.

"Izaya!" Her voice grew high but she wasn't screaming loud enough for the people to turn to their side. She pulled his jacket along with him back to the sidewalk. "Do you wanna be minced meat? A bus won't go that far but it'll still fucking hurt."

The raven haired man smiled remembering the time when Shizuo got hit by a truck back when he was in high school but he didn't even seem that hurt.

Izaya then looked at her silently and shook his head. Shimekawa Kana didn't look that angry to her that he needed to say sorry again. Kana scratched her head, sighing and then blowing the black strands of bangs covering her face. Well, she wasn't angry but she was indeed irritated.

"Hey, I watched over you for two shitty years. Hell no am I gonna let all effort go to waste just to see you under a bus." Kana scolded, folding her arms but there was still a hint of worry in her voice. "If you're really not feeling okay yet then please tell me so I can call Kine and Manami." She added. "They should be done shopping by now."

Izaya then looked at the passing cars, their headlights blurring, creating moving waves of light. He remembered Celty. The dullahan must be very happy with Shinra and within two years, they must already have a child. Could dullahans even have children? He could just imagine Celty's shadow body with Shinra's face. Now that would be something for a horror movie after all, Shinra's face on Celty's body would be really scary.

Removing his thoughts from Shinra and Celty's must-be-mutated-child, the former information dealer partly wished that Celty would pass by. Though he was keeping a low profile, it wouldn't hurt to see that the faeri still existed and doing jobs for other employers. Who knows? She might have another employer she was loyal to.

"No, I'm fine." By fine he meant 'I'm feeling nauseous but I'm still standing so why not walk'. Izaya glanced at Kana and smiled. "I want to wander a bit more."

Kana scoffed.

"Don't give me that smug smile of yours, it's disgusting." She chuckled. "Are you sure? You almost got hit by a bus."

"I'm alive, aren't I?" Izaya shrugged and scoffed back, his hands on the pockets of his signature jacket.

"You're alive because of me." Kana pointed to herself and raised her eyebrow.

Once the light turned green, a sea of people joined the two in walking to the other side of the road. They saw Russian Sushi at a distance. Oh how he wished to stuffed his mouth with fatty tuna but of course, Simon was there handing flyers and inside that restaurant were a group of people who knew who he was. Of course, he couldn't enter Russian Sushi without being yelled at.

"It's distracting..." He managed to whisper. "Disturbing even."

"What is?" Kana asked as they stopped at the park, now almost empty and illuminated by lamp posts.

"Everything" Izaya then sat on the wooden bench, followed by Kana and then sighed.

How many days are there in a year? 365. Double that, it's the amount of time Izaya had away from Ikebukuro. Stepping on a place he once terrorized and plunged into chaos was a feeling of utter despair drowned in of guilt. The place was now quiet, not literally, but he could no longer hear the sirens of ambulances or the police car chases, hell had he heard a vending machine crashing to the ground? No. The special ward in Tokyo that he once loved and observed had moved on, had forgotten about him. After all, who needed Orihara Izaya in Ikebukuro anyway? He only caused a lot of problems.

His old life was gone. No more playing with humans, no more weird chess-shogi-othello plans, no more information manipulation. Not only that, his apartment in Shinjuku was left abandoned and his secretary must have surely left. No matter how anyone looks at it, Orihara Izaya was dead. He was supposed to be dead. And yet he found himself breathing the peaceful air of the city next to an old friend.

How the mighty had fallen. It was actually laughable.

"Izaya," Kana started, pushing some black strands of her hair onto the back of her ear. "Shouldn't you be going?"

Izaya tilted his head, where was he supposed to go besides being with them? His life in the city and underground was practically done.

"Where?" The former information broker asked.

"Letting your friends know that Orihara Izaya is still alive." And all of a sudden, all noise seemed to mute from his ears.

Izaya frowned, observing how the light of the lamp post beside him flickered until it stopped giving away light.

"I have no friends. There is no need." Izaya chuckled, looking at Kana as if she had made a hilarious joke.

Kana stared at him, her gaze piercing through his red eyes. Her face remained blank of emotion. Up to now, she was still looking for it---the real Izaya for no one really did know him, not even his sisters and even Kana herself didn't know if Izaya had lied or told the truth.

"There are people who still care about you." Kana corrected, her voice stern, she could almost see the exact moment when Izaya's smile dropped.

The man went silent. He slouched onto the wooden bench and sighed.

"This man before you has ruined lives. Hell, I was proud of it in a way two years ago. Observing was my strong point and I loved watching different faces but that's all." He replied, not bothering on glancing to the girl beside her. "You should know that no one can bear being with me." He laughed.

Kana frowned at the sight. She waited for Izaya's laughter to cease. He was annoying. To tell the truth, the young woman had never felt happier when she graduated. It meant that she will never be able to see that annoying face ever again but of course, the world will always give people lemons in order for them to make proper lemonade and she had to just witness the man dying inside an untidy car. Perhaps that was a sign. Perhaps she was cursed by the heavens to be connected to the sociopathic freak she knew as Orihara Izaya of Shinjuku.

"How do you know that?" Kana mumbled to herself but even so, Izaya managed to hear

"Kana-chan, I am one of the most feared people in Tokyo." Izaya winked at her, wagging his finger back and forth. "I know everything and--"

" _Was_ " Kana cut him off, leaving Izaya dumbfounded and back to the silent man that he had turned to. "I was one of the most feared people in Tokyo and I used to know everything." Kana added monotonously. "Isn't that what you were supposed to say?"

Izaya swallowed the lump in his throat as his hands had already formed into fists like he was preparing for battle. He knew that, he knew that he was already reduced to nothing in his current situatiob but what can he do about it?Sure, he regretted some things but he was still...well him. He was still a cocky arrogant bastard who knew everything.

"Are you forgetting that people think you're dead?" Kana asked, disturbing his thoughts. "Or can you just not handle the fact that I took your throne as the most famous information broker in Shinjuku?"

Izaya bit his lip.

"Kana," He breathed out. "Don't underestimate me" He glared at her; like a newly released tiger from his cage gazing at his prey.

"Your days are fucking over!" Kana managed to say loudly, almost standing up from the bench. "Why can't you believe in change? Do you even know what the hell are the people you used to interact to are doing right now? Have you ever thought of it?"

_I did_.

Ever since Izaya went back, he found everything as distracting. Everything. It reminded him on how he lived back in the day, how he looked down at people like little ants and how the people treated him. The apartments reminded him of Shinra's, each street reminded him of Celty, the stop signs---though he didn't like thinking about it---reminded him of Shizuo and good Lord, his head was pounding each time he thought about his sisters.

It was nauseating.

"Perhaps you already know." Kana tilted her head, sounding a lot calmer. "Did you know that Mairu and Kururi are living in your apartment because they always think that you'd come back out of the blue." Kana added, the mention of his sisters made him flinch. "Kishitani Shinra is traveling a new place in Tokyo everyday and return late at night, visiting hospitals that you might have checked into, searching for your records. The headless rider is going back and forth from Ikebukuro and Shinjuku just to look for you and Namie Yagiri is---"

Kana trailed off as he heard Izaya's laughter skyrocketing up to the sky.

"Are you fucking serious, Kana?" Izaya said, wiping the stray tears that formed from his laughter. "Mairu and Kururi and drama queens. They'll react to everything. They'll cry a river if their pet died, hell, if they had one. How much more if it's their brother? Give them time and they'll get tired of acting." He waved his hand lazily and smiled slyly. "I hurt both Shinra and Celty. If they do happen to find me, they'll butcher me like an animal or donate me to Shinra's psychotic father for a complete overview of Orihara Izaya's mind. And please, don't get me started on Yagiri Namie."

Kana only stared at him, her eyes blank of expression. After a sigh, she slouched back onto the bench.

"You're a fucking asshole." She replied, not bothering on glancing on Izaya. "You're a huge fucking asshole."

"An asshole that should've stayed dead." Izaya retorted back, mumbling. "How am I supposed to play with my humans if they think Orihara Izaya's is dead?"

"You're stupid, Izaya." Kana answered, stepping on Izaya's foot. "If you don't want them to think you're dead and have fun with your humans, let them know you're alive. I'm tired of taking care of your shitty attitude, you dickhead."

Izaya would've laughed at how much Kana learned to swear. She must have learned it from either Kine or Manami. But of course, Izaya couldn't laugh. After all, Kana was right. But it wasn't that he didn't want to let them know he's alive, it was just that he couldn't.

It was the longest time since Izaya had been chased or mugged or stabbed or left hanging for dear life and somehow, he became accustomed to living the life of a normal person. He could still observe people but he never felt so safe in his life. If he ran into the pedestrians, screaming "ORIHARA IZAYA IS ALIVE", he doubts that he could survive the attacks that would be sent upon him.

And it was not like he didn't think about it. Maybe that experience of lying on Manami's lap as Kana talked to him to keep him awake as his life flashed before his eyes inside Kine's untidy car was a sign that he needed to change.

But above all thoughts, there was one that stood out.

_I was supposed to be dead._

_I planned to be dead_

_I needed to be dead._

He took a glance at his palms. They started to shake rapidly. He was still alive, so what now? What should he do? And as he took a deep breath, he thought that it would be better if Orihara Izaya stayed that. It would be better for everyone that way as much as he hated to admit that it stung him hard.

"Don't dwell on it too much, you idiot." Kana reminded, saying it rather loudly.

"Yeah, I shouldn't." Izaya smiled. "But I think I'll go back once I feel like terrorizing the city again." He joked but even then, he doubted that that time will never come again.

"You look like shit." She retorted back, sneezing afterwards.

"And you will look like shit, too once you catch a cold by only wearing a sweater at autumn." Izaya pointed at her lazily and laughed. "How could you be so stupid?"

"And that's my fault? You fucking ran out of our sights that Manami told me to look for you and I forgot my coat, you bastard." She replied angrily and sneezed once more.

"I thought I was a dickhead?" Izaya smirked.

"If it's you, apparently all the curse words fit you." Kana replied, now hugging herself.

Izaya sighed and with hesitation, he took his furry jacket off and threw it at Kana's face

"What the fuck!?" She screamed back as the clothing landed on her.

"You do not want to walk the shitty streets looking like shit." Izaya said as Kana finally had her face up. "Especially if you're the famous information broker now. As Orihara Izaya's successor, you have to look as cool as him."

Kana scoffed and threw the jacket back to Izaya but the man happened to catch it.

"I wouldn't want to wear a jacket with your stench." Kana teased.

"And you wouldn't want Manami and Kine to take care of a sick Shimekawa Kana." He replied, throwing it back to her. "Plus, I owe you. Kine and Manami, too." Izaya added. "I wouldn't be nice to the three of you if I didn't."

"You call that being nice?" Kana scoffed, shaking her head "Is it really hard for you to offer your jacket instead of throwing it? Oh yeah, you aren't originally nice."

Izaya shook his head, rolling his eyes.

"If you don't wear it then I'll tell Kine and Manami to call your sister over to take care of you if you do get sick." Izaya taunted, smiling slyly.

Without hesitation, Kana put on the jacket, covering her upper body.

"I'd rather put on this sweaty jacket than have Mayu over." She sighed, a slight annoyance in her her voice. "But you have a fever."

"Which has gone down." Izaya corrected.

"Fine" Kana stood up, taking a deep breath. "Come on, let's go. Kine and Manami are waiting."

Izaya smirked and stood up

"Sure."

"But if you pass out, I'm leaving you." Kana said, putting her hands inside the pockets of Izaya's jacket.

"Fine, fine" He said lousily and followed.

Perhaps it would be better if he went with the flow for a while. But as Izaya followed Kana to the path where Kine and Manami were waiting, be couldn't shake the feeling that they were being watched.


	3. { deceit }

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo makes his move and Kana has made a decision as Izaya hardly adapts to the change.

{ **deceit** }

"Why do I always forget that you're one of the fucking idiots?" Kine slammed on the table with his fist and as the sound reverberated, bouncing off the walls in the small room, he immediately flopped himself onto the sofa beside Manami.

It was one of those rare cold times wherein Kine could actually “be angry” for once.

Manami, quietly flipping the pages of an economy magazine, had called Kana for a witness of what seemed to be a used to be deformed man known as Orihara Izaya, sitting in front of them.

"If either of your enemies find you, the two years we've spent on your recovery were all for nothing!" Kine added, throwing his hand off to his side with Manami flipping another page of the magazine.

Honestly Izaya, who was slouching on the opposite leather couch, had never seen Kine look so mad. Sure, the man had formed ties with the Awakutsu Group and he was one of Shiki's trusted allies, hot-headed temper was in the blood of the yakuza but Kine was for one, a person who was good in anger management.

Manami, on the other hand, had remembered the time when she held a horrible grudge against Izaya. Luring her to commit suicide was unforgivable and to be honest, the girl would still like to exact her revenge. But of course, after that day when Izaya escaped the hospital after being stabbed, she had to just come along. And there she was, reading an educational magazine that had a special issue on Math inside an old hidden apartment in Shinjuku.

For two years, change seemed a lot evident on the three of them. To be practically sure; change seemed evident in everything. Ikebukuro itself was an example but of course, Izaya was still very much shaken to the very core on how much ‘change’ he received and will receive. Surely, Kine developed a temper, Manami was already back learning in school and Kana was at his throne being information queen.

He hid a smile at the thought. Kana? Information queen? Two years ago, he wouldn't even think twice concluding that Kana had a decent job like being a doctor or a lawyer or whatever but now, she’s in the underground business---his neighbor back in middle school was in the underground business.

"Kine," Manami called, nonchalantly. "If you're going to be mad at Izaya for roaming Ikebukuro alone, then stop because you'll be the one getting older in such a way." She breathed, her eyes not leaving the glossy pages. "Can we just wait for Kana and have a few moments of silence? Ever since I met this man," She pointed lazily at Izaya. "I had a hard time finding inner peace."

"You never had one to begin with." Izaya butted in, Kine stabbing death glares onto him.

Manami glanced at the raven-haired man, a bored look was plastered to his face, no smile. His fluffy jacket was replaced with a black hoodie and who knows what happened to it. Manami didn't give a fuck about that.

"And why do you say that, you heartless bastard?" Manami tilted her head, throwing the magazine on the worn out coffee table, separating the two couches.

Izaya chuckled and though he was in no proper position to do so, he didn't stop. The room smelled like overflowing mothballs and the stench of old people. The old floorboards were creaking, the wallpaper was peeling, it looked too disturbing. The place was a hundred times different than the apartment he lived in back in the day.

"Of course, I was quietly resting on a hospital bed until you came and almost stabbed me exactly on the same place again and laughing like the masochistic bitch that you are but instead of you having fun at my suffering, you ended up helping me making up my mind." Izaya replied, finally smiling like a Cheshire cat in the deep forest of Wonderland. "And then here you are, following me after a few words I used for persuasion. Where was the inner peace to begin with?"

Manami only stared at him, she swallowed the lump in her throat, not finding the right words.

"Izaya!" Kine said, loudly. His voice making Izaya tenses as he flinched. He immediately bowed down his head and slouched again.

"...sorry..." Izaya hesitated, but the words came out anyway as he avoided Manami's eyes.

Silence filled in the room.

As the ticking clock resounded in their ears, Manami smiled and scoffed.

"You're still you" Manami stood up, she gave a small smile and ruffled Izaya's hair. "But in every way that deformed attitude of yours is changing. So I'm sorry, too." Manami then disappeared from their sights as she went behind the kitchen counter.

Izaya leaned back, taking a deep breath. He never knew the demonic Izaya was still resting inside him.

When Kana went inside the apartment talking to her sister, Mayu, on the phone about how she had met a nice boy in the train station at Shibuya, Kana only replied "I don't give a fuck" and took a seat beside Orihara Izaya.

Kine tried to converse with her but as he began to open his mouth, Kana had come up with an almost reasonable excuse as to why Izaya came back late. Apparently, Kana had learned how to lie in high school, too and after years of development, it made Kine believe such a ridiculous thing.

"Where's Manami...?" Kana asked, her hands digging into the coat Izaya had lended to her.

Izaya sunk deeper on the couch, silent.

"You said something to her?" Kana tilted her head, eyeing Izaya but not changing her posture in sitting.

"Isn't that obvious?" Izaya scoffed, his red-brown eyes staring at the magazine that Manami was reading, wondering on why she would read such a thing. Manami was, after all, not an economist.

"He apologized, don't worry." Kine added, Kana's head turning to him.

A moment of silence passed by when Kana nodded. Once Manami had went back from the kitchen counter carrying a mug of coffee with the words 'YAKUZA LUV' imprinted on the ceramic. It was obvious that it belonged to Kine but the girl didn't seem that bothered by her action.

"So, who's going out and who's staying?"Manami flopped herself onto the couch and sipped her coffee.

"I'm staying" Izaya darted back immediately, raising his hand as if he was in elementary school. "I don't wanna get into another court farce when I get back late." Kana rolled her eyes at him.

"But, someone owes me money." Kine said, out of the blue.

The group was staring at him, wondering as to why Kine would bring up a subject of money. They were family, money was something to be shared and Izaya, who doesn't even have a single coin on him, was still eating food and living life without getting impromptu Ebola or symptoms of SARS, their earned money was for theirs to use with no corruption.

"And?" Manami asked, finally.

"Do I have to give a shit about that?" Kana raised her eyebrows after Manami's statement.

Kine sighed, shaking his head.

"Look, that someone will be out of Japan by the night and he owes us a large amount of money. Remember the duck case?" Everyone shook their heads at the memory. Who wouldn't forget? That guy who requested information from Kana for his stolen duck and drove both Kine and Manami running from Shibuya to Ikebukuro to chase a runaway duck drove them crazy but it never occurred to the rest of the group that he still hasn't paid. "If we don't get that money by today, we never will. He said he wants to meet up with at least one of us."

"Shouldn't you be doing all the mathematical living shit?" Kana retorted, not wanting to see the man again.

"Those mathematical living shits happen to make up life" Kine retorted back, Kana finally shutting up. "I would meet up with that duck obsessed man but I need to meet up with the Awakutsu group."

"I thought you quit the yakuza?" Izaya asked, rather unsure of his tone.

Kine sighed once more, pulling out a cigarette from his pocket and spun it around his fingers.

  
"It's something important" Kine replied, lighting up the stick.

And all were silenced. Kine wasn't the type to joke about the yakuza and he was literally the eldest so they had no right to argue. It would also be impossible for him to put them at risk, seeing that he insisted to drive Izaya to a hospital rather than listen to him in running away two years ago.

"Sorry, I can't go there." Manami sighed, getting the magazine from the coffee table. "Unlike all of you, I happen to value education and I have class." And Manami could almost see Izaya's mouth go agape, she never told him anything about her being really serious with school.

Kine then looked at Kana, who was sinking further on the couch.

"No, sorry" Kana replied, rather slowly "I'm filled up with clients. I just went here because Manami called me. I thought Izaya might have done something stupid again." She shrugged.

They heard the sudden ringing in their ears for a second as Kine puffed his cigarette.

"Do we really need the money?" Manami asked, breaking off the silence.

"We can't rely on Kana to earn money for us forever." Kine replied, frustration covering his voice. "Don't you feel bad using Kana's hard work for out needs?"

"It's fine with me, actually." Kana interrupted but the tone in her voice didn't match her words, almost hesitantly.

“Stop lying, Kana.” Kine breathed. “We all know you’re on the road to being broke because of how much we spent for....ummm...”

_Izaya’s treatment._

Izaya rolled his eyes on this. If they were having such a trouble with money that Kana paid for all the expenses, it would have been better if they just threw him out of the car to die.

Izaya breathed in deeply and held his breath after smelling Kine's cigarette. He never liked cigarettes to begin with and maybe that was the main reason why he didn't like Shizuo because of the smell of smoke sticking on his clothes. Izaya tapped his foot, bit his lip and ignored the overbearing smell of tabacco but as he stared at space, the words came out of his mouth aimlessly.

"I can go." He said, hesitantly, making all heads turn to him.

Kana blinked at him, she finally had her back off the sofa and stared at Izaya.

"You're sick." Manami retorted.

"Which is gone." Izaya replied back, immediately.

"You almost got hit by a bus yesterday." Kana said immediately.

"You almost got hit by a what!?" Kine said, loudly, almost dropping his cigarette.

"I wish he did." Manami whispered. "Hey, Izaya you're not Heiwajima Shizuo."

"Yes, I know!" Izaya raised his hands "But I still happen to be alive, aren't I?"

And the whole room was silenced.

"You could die.” Kana whispered

"I am Izaya Orihara, I can survive everything."

"No, you ‘ _used to_ ’ survive everything." Kana argued back. "How long has it been since you held a knife?"

The young man didn't know why he stood up suddenly. His eyes were somewhat angered, looking through each and every one's eyes.

"You said I had to at least become ‘ _alive_ ’ this time, right?" Izaya managed to say.

"You don't even want to get discovered that you're alive, you bastard!" Kana stood up next to him, eyeing him like a next victim of murder.

“No, I don’t!” Izaya rubbed his temples. This is exactly why he didn’t get along woth Kana. “But I can’t keep hiding forever anymore and you know that.”

“I meant letting your friends know, not thd whole world!”

“I don’t have friends!” Izaya forced the words out of his mouth. The statement was almost true---he had Shinra, the guy he had been with in the Biology club and the guy he had been avenging from Nakura. He frowned at that thought. With him not making Nakura miserable anymore, he has now lied to Shinra about his word of making Nakura pay for stabbing him for the rest of his life.

"Izaya, Kana" Kine called, Manami looking over to the man.

Both Izaya and Kana took a seat back on the couch, avoiding each others' eyes. Izaya was pissed at the fact that they were looking at him as if he were a lost puppy that needed care. He was a grown man, he was Orihara Izaya! He was Heiwajima Shizuo’s equal and they were treating him like a kid just because he was beaten by Shizuo at one point.

"I'll allow it." Kine nodded, Kana's eyes widened and if Kine looked closely, he could see her mouth 'shit' on her lips slowly. "You have your own rights. And you're correct, it's not good to keep you here in this old apartment forever. You need to take some steps on your own sometimes." Kine added. "But if you don't want to be discovered, then please just keep a low profile. No manipulating. No fights. No provoking Heiwajima---”

“I know.” Izaya closes his eyes and answered hastily. For some reason, his arms and legs began to hurt like the burning pain from his injuries back at that day came to haunt him but Izaya only took a deep breath and commanded the feeling to go away.

The pain in his arms,

The sharp blade entering his side,

His lungs filling up with blood,

His legs numb,

A vending machine above his head,

Izaya bit his lip at the memory of a monster’s eyes staring back at him with pure bloodlust inside his eyes. His thoughts ran haywire, almost to the point that his own voice was echoing inside his ears;

_Kill me_   
_Kill me_   
_Kill me_   
_Do it, Monster_

“I know.” Izaya whispered again, not sure anymore if he said it just a few seconds ago. He found Kine staring at him blankly, like he was going to take back the words he just said but the man remained silent.

“Meet him up in Ikebukuro at five.” Kine said after a few seconds.

Issue missed but at the corner of his eye, he saw Kana shape her head slowly.

"Give me back my coat." Izaya smirked at Kana, who was still wearing his furry jacket.

"I would if Manami gives me back my trenchcoat." Kana raised her eyebrow. "So just use Kine's coat. His would be too big for me.”

Izaya frowned, but didn't oppose.

× × ×

She forcefully shut the door, tilting the picture frames that hung on the wall.

"You really don't understand, Izaya." She mumbled to herself as she rested her back onto the wall.

Kana bit her lip for a few seconds, she took small steps to her office table and sat down on her rotating chair and once she did, a knock came into her ears.

"Come in," she waved lazily and the door went flying open.

The edge of Kana's lips formed into a wide smile.

"It's unusual to see you here," She said, slouching on her leather chair, arrogantly raising her eyebrow. "Heiwajima Shizuo"

The blonde man launched forward to Kana's table, pushing his purple sunglasses back on his nose then lighting up a cigarette stick.

"I thought your office was located at Izaya's apartment." Shizuo said, puffing smoke out of his mouth as Kana gathered strands of black hair at the back of her ear.

"No smoking." Kana replied, pulling out an ashtray from under the table.

Shizuo scoffed, controlling his temper, dumbing the cigarette on the ashtray.

"You're just as shitty as Izaya ever once wa---"

"Don't you dare compare me to that heartless beast." Kana warned, staring daggers onto Shizuo. Her eyes went dark, her voice stern.

And the blonde smirked at her.

"No, you are." Shizuo said, almost laughing.

"I respect Izaya, that's why I didn't take his apartment away from his siblings." Kana replied, finally answering Shizuo's question. "I admire the fact that he ruled both Shinjuku and Ikebukuro in a flash for some time. But of course, I don't like him as a person."

Shizuo scoffed once more, finally sitting on the leather couch in front of Kana's table.

"You're wearing his jacket." Shizuo pointed out.

_Oh shit._

Uneasiness shook Kana but instead of shaking like a leaf, she smiled widely and laugh---just like what Izaya would do.

"Are you serious? Are there not any other coats like these in other stores?" Kana scoffed and turned her chair. "What are you? An Izaya detector?"

Shizuo stayed silent, looking at the informant blankly.

"I am Shimekawa Kana." The girl continued, flipping her hair arrogantly. "I replaced the great Orihara Izaya and as his successor I should be wearing something as to his honor right? It's a trademark."

The blonde then smirked at her, his fists finally unclenched and rested.

"So you're saying that you idolize Izaya?"

"I wouldn't idolize that piece of shit." Kana rolled her eyes. "I'm doing this because it's fun." Kana laughed. "And being the most famous and feared informant in Tokyo, it's a sign that Orihara Izaya is indeed, gone."

As the sentence went, Shizuo stood up, somewhat angered by her statement. Kana flinched at the sight of Heiwajima Shizuo slamming his hand onto the wooden office table in front of Kana. The man smirked, brown eyes behind purple shaded glasses, wide.

"Yes, you are the best informant, that's why I'm here." Shizuo commented and his voice suddenly went low. "But you are not feared, young lady."

Shizuo didn’t look like he was kidding. Truly, Izaya was his enemy and he was the only one that stood up to him and Izaya was the only informant Tokyo knew that could make such chaos in Ikebukuro. It’s right to label him as feared and dangerous.

But Izaya’s not in that certain place anymore.

_Do you miss your enemy, Heiwajima Shizuo?_

Kana stared at her, offended of what he said. Her eyes began to sharpen on Shizuo, her other hand reaching onto the knife inside Izaya's coat.

"What do you want?" Kana growled, emphasizing each syllable of her sentence.

"Orihara Izaya" As expected.

"Orihara Izaya is dead." Kana replied swiftly, gripping on to her knife secretly as Shizuo chuckled.

"I thought you were the best? You lying bastard." He replied, rather ironically. "If the best informant doesn't know that Orihara Izaya is alive then you're not the best!"

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit._

"Orihara Izaya is alive and I know that you know where he is." Shizuo whispered, as if there were more people in the room.

A bead of sweat dropped from Kana's forehead. Shizuo knows Izaya is alive. Shizuo knows that he didn't kill Izaya and that means that Shizuo must have seen him in Ikebukuro yesterday. It was no use hiding it. Her office would be destroyed as well as her reputation if she continued a farce in which Orihara Izaya was dead.

"So...? If Orihara Izaya is still alive, what do you want me to do?" Kana replied rather truthfully. "Bring him to you? Kill him? Unfortunately, I don't do those kind of stuff. The killing is done by other people."

Shizuo then turned his back at Kana, sitting onto the leather couch once more, twisting a cigarette stick between his fingers, unlit.

"I want you to let the world know that Orihara Izaya is alive and well." Shizuo sighed. "You can do that, right?"

And Kana finally knew what he was scheming. If Orihara Izaya was known to be alive, information would spread. From rumors to facts and jokes and chain messages. With that, Shizuo would be able to track Izaya down... And maybe finish the job he once started. Kana bit her lip.

"Do you know the difference between Izaya and I?" Kana started off, softly as Shizuo only stared. "I happen to feel stuff when I ruin people's lives. I don't enjoy my job one bit like how Izaya used to."

"You do know what Ikebukuro looks like right now.” Shizuo commented.

“As quiet as a feather.” Kana sighed. “But wouldn’t that be what you wanted?”

Shizuo avoided her gaze and Kana could see how his nails dug to his palm. Surely; doing this was not easy for him and Kana knew for sure that this was Shizuo's first time to actually ask for information from an official information dealer.

“Everyone's not that quiet.” Shizuo replied. “At least not my friends and the exact reason is that single doubt that the stupid flea is alive.”

“So?” Kana raised her eyebrow and smirked. “Kishitani Shinra, the headless rider, Orihara Mairu, Orihara Kururi... What business do I have with them? I may have a heart but it never accepts pity as payment.”

Shizuo bit his lip. Kana might have gone too far. She thought she should lessen the arrogance before Shizuo hurls a sofa to her face. She wouldn’t have enough parkour to completely dodge a sofa at the distance they had.

“Once Izaya will be alive again, you’ll have more clients than ever. You’ll have more money, specially from the ones who are hunting him down like that of the yakuza or whoever has some deep rooted sense of revenge for him.” Shizuo said briefly after a deep breath.

“What? Like you?” Kana replied with a stern voice.

“Please, just let me erase the doubt left in my friends. They’re ruining their lives and wasting their time thinking about the flea. It’s been two years, it’s been too much.” Shizuo looked down to the floor. “And it’s my fault, too.”

Kana just stared at him. Heiwajima Shizuo was labeled as a monster but even so, he had a heart to worry for his friends even for that Izaya's twin sisters. She doubts that he wouldn't hurt Izaya when he finds him but either way, Kana couldn't bring to ignore Shizuo,a client, too.

“I’ll be paying you, I’ll do whatever you want. Just help me.” Shizuo finally said, his voice almost like a whisper.

What could Kana say? Even Shizuo himself has changed and he became a lot grumpier than usual and a lot more of a worry-cat. But Izaya too had changed a lot but Kana was already caught up in a choice.

A client, or Orihara Izaya?

Her fingers then dashed to the keyboard, swiftly. Opening various tabs and websites, from Dollars to forums and forums to chatrooms, she had typed and copied the same post and pictures.

"Make sure that I won't regret this, Shizuo." She said, her eyes not leaving the screen but she felt Shizuo nod.

_Ahh... It was fun while it lasted._ Kana had thought, the cursor on the 'post' button. _I'm sorry, Izaya._

× × ×

Izaya felt the heavy briefcase on his hands. The man bowed and left. Never in his life had he prevented himself to speak until now. It felt absolutely weird. Sure, Izaya was good at acting but changing his voice was never his forte. Though, he could do it in the internet but doing it in real life was just plain hard.

The young man sighed, pulling on his hood again, conscious that the others might recognize him.

He felt a sudden chill tingle in his body. The rain had started pouring and he couldn't help but curse at it. How terrible was his luck today?

"Yo," Izaya's eyes widened, he turned his back slowly, finally remembering the husky voice. "I-zaaaaa-ya"

His luck was truly terrible.

"Shi...zuo.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? I'd love to hear insights and finally, Shizuo is here! The dates reunion comes! Who knows what would happen to the two of them?

**Author's Note:**

> Comments? I'd love to hear insights or suggestions.


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